Happy Father's Day

To My Precious Daddy,

I love you.
I miss you.
I'm forever grateful for you.

Love always,
Tammy (aka. "Floll")

Today's Special

"I hope Bria stays faithful to God all the days of her life,
because I don't think I want to be in Heaven if she isn't there."

- Doug Butt (Bria's Poppy)

How I'm Feeling Today

Opportunity

I get to go to a conference.

(What? Where? Somewhere exotic like Hawaii or Paris or Bora Bora????)

No, no.

It's in snowy Alberta. Twenty minutes from my house.

But!

I get to stay there overnight and have meals provided for me and not have to do laundry or clean kitty litter.

I simply get to focus.

On ONE thing! Can you believe that?

The conference is about discovering your leadership style and abilities.

It's about knowing your strengths and weaknesses.

I'm looking forward to it.

You see, for the past 2 years I've felt a bit "off."

It began the day I found out my Dad had cancer.

I am just now getting my "spiritual groove" back.

This conference is coming at a good time.

I'm thankful to have been chosen to go.

That just reminded me of the little green aliens from Toy Story.

"I have been chosen! It is the way!"

But, seriously. For reals.

Happy to have this opportunity.

(And not just because I don't have to clean kitty litter.)

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More inspirational art found here.

1 Year Tribute to Dad

1 year ago today I boarded a plane and headed home to say goodbye to my Dad.

The next day he passed away.

Sept. 11th holds much significance to the world, but to me it will always be very personal and very spiritual in a different way.

Thank-you Dad for leaving behind for me a few tangible things that meant a lot to you: your well-worn Bible, hand-written sermons and song book.

I have lovingly dipped into these resources more than once this past year and will no doubt visit them often in ministry in the future.

But most of all, thank you for leaving behind what continues to teach me best:

The example of your life which was well-lived for Christ.

I miss you more than words can ever say.

(I love you a bushel and a peck.)

Your daughter,
Tammy (Floll) xoxo

(Sing With Me...) "I Love a Parade"

The tree is up and we're slowly getting into the Christmas spirit.

Something we do traditionally is sprawl out on the couches in front of the TV with munchies not far from our reach (munchies seem to accompany most of what we do) and watch the Toronto Santa Claus Parade.

"Toronto's Santa Claus Parade is the longest running children's parade in the world and is broadcast across North America and as far away as New Zealand, Norway and Ireland."

- Official Parade Website.

Good to see The Salvation Army band marching along with our beloved Mrs. Commissioner in her lovely red cape.

Christmas is coming.

It will be a very different Christmas this year, not having Dad with us.

I'm trying to stay positive, for the kids.

And I know Dad wouldn't want any of us to be sad during such a blessed season.

I only had to leave the room once yesterday while decorating the tree.

I had no idea when I packed up the decorations last January, that Dad wouldn't be here to share in 2009's festivities.

I know. He's having the best Christmas ever.

But it just won't be the same without him.

A Real-Life Love Story

I love this picture of my parents.

I have no idea how old they are, or who took the picture.

I do know that it was taken in Newfoundland.

My Mom's hair is her natural brown. (It's blonde now, has been for some time).

My Dad never changed. He looked like this at 72!

Today would have been my parents 56th Wedding Anniversary.

Wow - that's a LONG time!

Today will be tough on Mom, but she is keeping herself busy.

She's like that. She's my hero.

My hero says it's hard doing laundry these days.

After washing the same man's clothes for almost 56 years, it's strange not to have them there with hers anymore.

These are some of the little things you miss once your true love has passed on.

And they truly loved one another.

I've seen it first-hand.

In that spirit, today I would encourage you to tell the one you love just that...

I love you.

And cherish the little things.

I've learned from Mom and Dad and their real-life love story, that little things are what you will end up appreciating most of all.

My Dad

I once read a quote that said,
"How fortunate am I to have something that is so hard to say goodbye to."

I know Dad's in Heaven right now and I hope to join him there one day.

So it's more like a, "See you later..."

The past week has been very difficult. Something that, despite all the good intentions in the world (the talks with Mom and my family members, the pre-planning of the funeral, the knowing how sick he was and that it was only a matter of time), I simply could not prepare my heart for.

The last thing I did before I flew out to see Dad a week ago was print the words to a song I remember him singing often in church when I was growing up. I thought the words were so fitting for this time in his life. They instantly brought me comfort. I arrived late Thursday evening, had a beautiful conversation with him and then, after 12 hours at his bedside with Mom and my other siblings, held his hand as he passed away so peacefully.

We've heard so many good things about Dad. His ministry touched so many lives. I pray that his legacy will continue to fuel my own attempts to minister to others.

I am so thankful for Dad. I will forever be proud of him.

Here's the song.

One More Valley

When I'm tossed on life's sea and the waves cover me
And the dark clouds won't let the sun shine through
Then a voice seems to say child there will be a brighter day
Don't allow the storm to hide Sweet Heavens' view

Cause you've got one more valley one more hill
One more trial, one more tear
One more curve in life's road, maybe one more mile to go
Then you can lay down your heavy load
When you get Home

Don't let Satan see your tears, learn to smile through your fears
Hold your head up high and give the world a smile
You must be faithful all the way, 'twill be worth it all someday
For it's all going to be over after awhile

Cause you've got one more valley one more hill
One more trial, one more tear
One more curve in life's road, maybe one more mile to go
Then you can lay down your heavy load
When you get Home

Week In Review

Here's a mish-mash of what we've been up to this week:

(Don't you love using the word "mish-mash?")

Lady Bria
Bria has been having a blast at day camp where she's been swimming, gyming, indoor rock-climbing and even touching real, live snakes! (Blech) She's decided not to do gymnastics this year and will try skating and swimming lessons, instead. She is currently enthralled with The Wizards of Waverley Place and shopping for back-to-school clothes.

Sir Blaise
Blaise is back into routine at day care and has handed out all his birthday party invites. We're looking forward to lots of fun in another week as we celebrate his turning 5, Farmboy Style. Soccer and skating registrations coming up for the little guy. Oh, and he's sporting a cute new back-to-school haircut.

Dad
Dad's test results came back. No more chemo treatments, no more radiation. Time for new chemo drug and to enjoy life to its fullest, which I know he and Mom will do. The Dr. says he's okay to travel and, should his health stay good and stable, we're hoping they'll visit out here during the next month or so. I think they're heading to Niagara Falls with my brother & his wife for the weekend.

Ministry
We've had a good week back at work with lots of office clean-ups and getting things ready for the upcoming busy Fall season. Both Jason and I are hoping to involve ourselves in a few choice community-networking and relationship-building ventures, which we're very excited about. We both feel a strong sense from God that this is going to be an amazing year for missional ministry growth in RD.

Me?
I'm happy because I've now got one of these.

Drugs

Dad on morphine:
* sleeping most of the day
* sleeping on and off during the night
* in pyjamas all day
* hallucinating & saying weird things
* not able to leave the house
* not able to walk without assistance of someone
* doesn't know what day it is and asks periodically
* very weak and quiet
* eating very little

That was Dad's state for the past few weeks. Then he was referred to palliative care who reassessed his medication. He's significantly improved in only 3 days!

Dad on fentanyl patch:
* sleeping soundly through the night
* out of bed by 9 a.m. asking, "Where can we go today?"
* alert & articulate
* actually concerned about what he's wearing
* walks with minimal assistance
* sense of humour has returned
* eating a little more
* can read email and talk on the phone
* can go out and visit for longer periods of time

Dad will go for a CAT scan on Wednesday. Praying the news we receive from that will be encouraging, but we will deal with whatever the outcome may be. And we're certainly enjoying this time of rejuvenation with him. We leave for Red Deer on Friday as Saturday is our last vacation day. We will be tired and have much to reflect on, but we continue to feel very blessed!

Another Update

Dad is officially under palliative care. They have changed his pain medication and he will undergo another series of tests in the next week. He has a home care nurse visit 3x a week and will now sleep on the main floor to avoid the stairs, which have become too much of a hazard. He is comfortable as long as his pain meds are in check, which is top priority.

I'm not sure what hurts more: Watching someone you love so much go through the roller coaster of dealing with cancer, especially once it becomes evident that it is reaching its final stage - or - trying to comfort someone else that you love so much who will soon face the reality of life without their love of nearly 60 years.

I have learned so much since coming home at this time.

I have witnessed firsthandedly the true meaning of the wedding vow, "in sickness and in health."

I realize that people grieve and express sorrow in many different ways and that none are wrong.

And I have learned most of all that God is the only peace-giving presence during these unexplainable times. Even through his sickness, Dad still counts his blessings daily. He still speaks with words of hope and future. His greatest sermons taught to others are the words he holds true to even now. He is an encourager to those who visit (who are there, ironically, to encourage him). These are sad times, but these are also amazing times of witness of someone who continues to "walk the talk."

Offline for Awhile - Going to See My Dad

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart
and lean not on your own understanding."

- Proverbs 3:5

Dad isn't doing well and has been unable to have chemo for the past 2 weeks. We've changed our vacation plans so that Bria and I will be flying to Ontario on Friday. Jason will stay to do the Sunday service at church and then he and Blaise will fly out on Monday.

More time to spend with family.

More memories.

More love.

Asking for your prayers for our family.

Home On the Range

Good to be home! Had a great visit with family and friends, but am looking forward to sleeping in my own bed tonight. I'm not sure how to recap 3 weeks worth of "life," but perhaps I'll do a point-form version of the highlights. ;)

First of all, for the friends and family that we didn't get to see, know that aside from ministry requirements that brought us to Ontario, my main focus was to spend time with Dad. We hope to plan a camping trip back there in late July, so hopefully we can see more people at that time. On to the recap...

2nd Year Captains Institute

Great to see our sessionmates again! With 2 years under our belts, we had lots to catch up on, talk about and share. We all have unique and diverse ministries, so those round the lunch table discussions were very interesting. It was also neat to be together for "Move Day" and to wish those who received changes in ministry appointments all the best in their new homes.

Highlights: covenant renewal, Giant Tiger, playing the game "THINGS" and eating our weight as a session in chicken wings

Other Ministry Opp's

Our family was blessed to be back at Hope Community Church for a Sunday, where Jason preached and many of our friends and family members attended. It was awesome to see everyone again, some whom we have not seen in 4 years. Lunch afterwards at the Mandarin was delish and we thank everyone who came out for that.

Jason was able to meet with several ministry units in and around the GTA where he gleaned lots of ideas and inspiration from conversations there. God is clearly working through The Salvation Army in many different ways and it's always refreshing to see pastors who continue to be "on-fire" in His service!

Highlights: friends who will drive long distances just to hook up with our family for a few hours & the sense that God has underscored our philosophy of ministry

Family Time

It was awesome to spend time with our parents. I was able to visit a lot of places with Mom & Dad just like we used to do when we lived there. I was also able to attend an important Doctor's appointment for Dad along with him. Although a little quieter and more easily-tired, he kept up with the kids and had his usual boughts of silliness in good measure. He will undergo more tests this week and hopes to begin radiation or chemo (or both) sometime in mid-May. Keep those prayers coming!

Of course, time with family means FOOD and LOTS OF IT. I'm certain all of us have gained a minimum of 10 lbs. during our stay! Jason and I are blessed with hospitable family members which means our bellies were always full and our kids are now severely spoiled. Speaking of kids, it was great to catch up with neices and nephews, all who have (sadly, for us) grown so much older during the years that have passed since we'd last seen them.

Highlights: White Feather & Haugen's ribs, Value Village trips with Mom, downtown Toronto and The Richtree with The Sabourin's, Brother's in Whitby and Fred & Sharon's van (I've never seen a vehicle with so many push-button options!), homecooking at Jose & Michelle's, getting together with Dan & his family (we're now officially OLD as his kids have grown up so much!), Chuck E. Cheese with Pam & Tessa, Mom's 71st birthday party at Wayne & Kelly's and finally, movie night at Don & Cheryl's the night before we left

I know I'm leaving lots out. I also have some pictures to post, but poor Jason is trying to settle down 2 little ones into their beds in prep for back to school tomorrow. We also need a few groceries. Maybe I'll update more later. If not, I've sunken into my own bed and am in LALA land in hopes of a good night's sleep. I know I've typed this many times before, but...

We are blessed - because God is good!

Good News & Medeival Knights

We received a good report from Dad's cancer specialist, in that the cancer has not spread from his lung and "a few" local lymph nodes (our previous report). He will see the radiation specialist this Wednesday and the chemo specialist the following Tuesday (I'll be able to go with them to that appointment). He's looking at possibly 1 round of chemo/month for 4-5 months as well as radiation. We will know more treatment particulars after the upcoming appointments. Thanks for God's provision and grace!

I am trying to type in between a light sabre being waved in front of my face. Jason, his parents and the kids went to Medeival Times in Toronto this morning (tickets we had purchase a while back, when we knew we'd be in the area). The kids came home with various medieval souveneirs and lots to tell Mommy about. They had a blast and, hopefully, I'll have some pics to post that Grandma took for us.

More family coming this evening, (more eating! LOL) and a few chances to do a bit of shopping with my #1 shopping buddy, Mom. ;)

Back in Ontario

I'm typing this from my parent's home in Whitby, ON with the warm sunlight pouring in through the patio door windows and the silence of both parents resting upstairs and, more so, the kids having gone with Daddy to visit their other set of Grandparents in Ajax.

Our flight went well and both kids did excellent on the almost 4 hour journey. My oldest brother & his wife (and my adorable great-neice) picked us up from the airport and it was so good to see them. Dad looks great, but has been a lot quieter than our last visit. Mom is, understandably, very tired. I think the weight of tomorrow's meeting with the cancer specialist is weighing heavily on all of us. We did take advantage of the beautiful weather and all piled into the van my middle brother has kindly loaned to us while we are here, taking a drive just north of Whitby for some lunch, followed by a stop in at my youngest brother's beautiful new home.

We drove past our old house (the one we sold before moving to Winnipeg), as well as the first house we bought when we got married. Things feel familiar, yet seem so long ago. We have good memories and we have more difficult memories, but we can see so clearly (which may not have been the case at the time) how God had us leave this area to step out in faith and receive what He has blessed us with now. We love where we live now. If it weren't for the distance between family (especially during serious illness), we can honestly say we've never been happier. Maybe God has provided us with this "cushion" of everything else in our life going pretty well, for such a time as my Dad finding out he has cancer? I am thinking out loud.

The kids are enjoying seeing family and have already been spoiled rotten. In a few days we will head up to Jackson's Point to see more family - our sessionmates from training college. Tonight we will pray together for strength and support for all of us from the One who can comfort like no other. Your prayers are appreciated, too.

Good Friday, Good Weather

Following our Good Friday service at church, our family headed into Sylvan Lake for lunch and to see how the lake itself was melting. We had gorgeous weather and the fresh air did all of us well.


The beautiful lighthouse.


Two of the many house boats.


Blaise getting a little help to jump over the snow.


The Princess of the Sea


All was beautifully harmonious...


...until Blaise got stuck in the mud.

On the way home, we stopped at Kin Kanyon for their playground and a hike. Then we cranked up the tunes in the driveway and thoroughly cleaned out our van and the garage while the kids played at the park across the street. The neighbourhood was buzzing with people out with their bikes, skateboards and strollers. One day the brown grass will be green, rain boots won't be required and we'll get a tan while working outside (well, Jason not so much...). I'm not exactly sure what the temps were, but we're figuring somewhere around 14-15 degrees.

All the while my mind was on Dad. We received bad news a few days ago regarding the cancer and our family is sorting through it one day at a time. Again, I'm so thankful to have the opportunity to be back in ON for some time to spend with Him. God continues to envelop me in His peace, helping me stay strong and yet allowing me moments to let my tears flow as needed.

Jason received the Paul Harris award at Rotary this morning. Yay! He has made a lot of contacts through Rotary that have resulted in good friendships and several ministry opportunities. It has definitely benefited us as newcomers to the city, in terms of getting to know people, city-related issues and areas where we, as The Salvation Army, can be of assistance.

Another good morning for me today at Women in the Word. We're continuing to study the Gospel of John. Great conversation and sharing among a small group of multi-generational women with a passion for learning more about God. It continues to be a highlight of ministry for me here in Red Deer.

This evening we had Pioneer Clubs and Jason's discussion group. The kids are very excited about Sunday's egg hunt. The first time we experienced this at a church was back at Hope CC in Pickering and it was so much fun. We're stuffing plastic eggs with chocolates and short Bible verses and then hiding them all over the sanctuary. We were blessed to have everything donated! I'm sure it will become an annual part of the Easter Sunday celebrations, along with the yummy crepes breakfast.

Dad seems to be good, following yesterday's day surgery. I spoke with him briefly and so did Jason and he's sounding well. Another week and we'll be with him. I will also get to be there when he and Mom get the final reports from all of his recent testing from the cancer specialist. God has a way of making everything come together right when you need it.

I'm up to my eyeballs in things to tend to before we leave for ON, but slowly getting to them one by one. I really need a creative outlet right now. I found a cross-stitch pattern of Thomas the Tank Engine that I had purchase well over a year ago and may start in on it just as a release from everything else. It would look nice framed in Blaise's room which is "UBER" Thomas. Off to finish prep for the 4 Sunday School lessons I'm to leave for a kind friend who will teach my class while I'm away. We've had another young Mom offer to lead the younger class, which is yet another answer to our prayers.

9 More Days 'til Ontario

Bria has a 3 days week (they get Thursday off, in addition to Good Friday). Next week she has Monday off also, but we will be leaving for Ontario on the Tuesday. She will miss 3 weeks (although there is another PD day in there somewhere), but her teacher said Bria will be fine and that she will pack some extra review work for her to take with her. She's in grade one, so it's not like she's missing Finite Math. ;)

I spoke to Dad this morning after he & Mom returned from the hospital for their pre-op appointment which takes place tomorrow. He will have a medianoscopy, which (hopefully) is the last step necessary before he begins chemo and radiation. They have been keeping busy with family, which has been good for them. Looking forward to seeing everyone, as this is the longest I think I've gone without seeing Mom & Dad since we left Ontario.

The kids have dental appointments tomorrow afternoon. Yes, we are terrible parents and this is actually their first dentist encounter. The main reason for taking them at this time (other than the fact that it should have been done earlier) is Blaise's bruised front tooth from (1) a fall last summer while on vacation, and (2) a recent run in with the forehead of one of his friends. Let's hope things go smoothly. I guess if Kate Gosselin can do it with 8 kids, I should be able to with 2.

We had a good service yesterday and are encouraged but the recent hike in numbers each week. We're not totally comfortable with the numbers game, as it doesn't necessarily reflect personal growth and other faith factors, but it's good to see more and more of those pews with folks actually occupying them. As much as we are looking forward to heading back to Ontario for a few weeks, it will be hard to leave our church family for that long. We are thankful for people who are stepping up to lead while we are away and are excited about the end of summer events we have planned for when we return including a CCM/Red Shield Rummage Sale & BBQ, Green Deer Clean-a-Park Day, Children's Ministries Sunday and, finally, our church picnic.

We're still checking on the bald eagle daily - it's become an obsession - to see if the eggs have hatched. Scroll down a post or two, if you don't know what I'm talking about.

Off to do some work. Lots of work, actually! My to-do list before we go away is already up to 32 things that are either church or family related (or both). I hope to tackle a good portion of that list today. No day off for us this week, other than my being home with the kids on Thursday. Off to make tea to get me started.

Party for Bria's 7th Birthday

Bria had a great time with 5 of her friends from school, celebrating her 7th birthday at Heritage Lanes. They bowled, ate pizza, opened prezzies, giggled and filled their bellies with Hannah Montana cupcakes. I love to plan parties, and the planning for this one has been a wonderful distraction for me at this time. She is home and now asleep in her bed, a happy and content girl. I wish I could post some pictures, but sadly none of them turned out. (I just had a good cry.) We do have some further celebrating to do on the actual date of her birth, so I will be sure to have some pictures then.

Blaise had a fever again when I picked him up this afternoon from day care. This, after having just finished antibiotics for an ear infection. He was determined to go to Bria's party and, once given a good dose of Tylenol, lasted through the event fever-free. His ear is no longer hurting (nor is anything else according to him), so I'm not sure why the fever yet again today. We'll be keeping him out of day care for the rest of the week and will make another trip to the doctor.

Dad will have the first of two day surgeries, tomorrow. The other will take place on April 7th. Please pray for Dad and also for Mom and my brother Don, who will be waiting at the hospital while he has the procedure done. Someone was clever to put a Tim Hortons right on site.

So, there are a few upsets right now, yes. But I must add that I have a wonderful husband. Seriously. He's such a comfort to me. Yes, he's known to many as someone who talks a lot, but he's also the someone who can look at me a certain way in complete silence and say just what I need to hear at that time. That's marriage. That's love. And that's undoubtedly a gift to me from God.

This Week

I am requesting prayers for Dad who will finally see a specialist as well as go for more tests, this week. We've all be reassuring him, that no matter what the prognosis is, he has loving friends and family surrounding him and, most importantly, a loving Heavenly Father whose presence is constant. It is still hard being so far away, but I do speak with him (and Mom) at least once a day. And we will be in Ontario in only 3 weeks.

I've been doing some research online, just for my own peace of mind and to feel like I'm doing something. I found this helpful link: Helping Someone with Cancer. I've been learning a lot, not only about the medical side of things, but about the practical and pastoral side. It's "funny" how parents continue to teach us things, no matter how old we are and no matter what they or we happen to be going through. Parenting is truly a ministry.

My Dad's favourite hymn...

When peace like a river atendeth my way
When sorrows like sea billows roll
Whatever my lot, Thou hast taught me to know
It is well, it is well with my soul